sunnuntai 1. helmikuuta 2009

52 weeks

I'm thinking about taking on the 52-challenge in Flickr...A self-portrait per week for a year. It could be fun, now that I've gotten into it. Might help me with my self-esteem issues too.


Wow, what a horrible weekend. I think I'm trough with being sad..for now at least. I don't feel like crying anymore, since it's not gonna bring him back or do any good.
Now I'm just numb. I don't really feel anything. I often find myself just sitting somewhere, staring to the distance. As if the time has just stopped for me.
I'm starting to think that I haven't really assimilated this whole thing yet. Sometimes I just stare at his pictures and can't believe that he's gone. Forever. And sometimes I just stare at his pictures and try to feel something. But I don't. Just plain emptiness. Eating alone seems to be the hardest part. 'Cos he was always there when someone ate. Now I don't feel like eating, 'cos it's so weird.
Most of the time I just try not to think about this all. That's where my, oh so unbeatable, imagination helps a lot. I start reading something or watching tv or a movie and I'm gone. It's always been rather easy for me to escape from reality.

But something positive for a change; I'm getting my car today. I'm gonna get to drive him. He's fixed! I'm excited about that. I just payed for my mom, 800 €, so he's almost-officially mine. Officially enough for me. Let's not go to the almost-part.
Better sound-system, more power, more beautiful...<3 Not that I don't miss my old car, but I've come to terms with the fact that he was just a car. Now that I've lost something much more precious and living, I'm seeing things from better and healthier perspective. He was just a peace of metal (even though I call it as a 'he') and I had him only for a year. And that's that.

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